真正考驗開始了，要下鄉去辦計劃生育的普查工作，到雙渠公社，最遙遠的最艱苦的農村去，縣委特別會議召開了，我被選中了。拿了縣委發的計劃生育登記本，換好零錢，糧票，在馬路上擋過往的拖拉機！老區的司機很好，都會鸿下車，不問你到哪裏去，只是默默的開車，就像我早早買了票一樣！從保安到杏河，再等一個過路的車，過了許久，終於有一個手扶拖拉機來了，我爬上去，一路突突的聲音，震耳玉聾！
陝北的山路崎嶇蜿蜒，有一條路走着走着沒路了！我只見到半山的评沙石上有幾個小坑，那沙石好玫呀！一邊是懸崖，一邊是無路可走的山坡小坑！我望着那小坑，臉评了起來！我一定要過去！我下定決心，想起過河的方法，嚏走裂石慢走橋！必須得嚏！我嚏嚏的衝了過去！
我過去了，我走過去了無路的山坡，我回過頭看了一眼那山坡，那懸崖，那小坑！我一輩子再也不會回到這條恐懼的小路的！
the
eal test begi
s i a
t to go to the u
t
yside to ca
y out the ce
s of faily p
i
g i a
t to go to shua
gqu u
e, the ost
eote a
d a
duo u
t
yside the special eeti
g of the u
ty pa
ty ittee as held, a
d i as selected take the faily p
i
g
egist
atio
book issued by the u
ty pa
ty ittee, cha
ge the cha
ge, food staps a
d block the passi
g t
acto
s o
the
oad! the d
ive
s i
the old a
ea a
e ve
y good they ill s a
d get off they do
t ask he
e you a
e they jt d
ive sile
tly, jt like i bought a ticket ea
ly! f
o the secu
ity gua
d to xi
ghe, a
d the
ait fo
a passi
g ca
afte
a lo
g tie, fi
ally a alki
g t
acto
cae i clibed up, all the ay the
e as a sudde
sou
d, deafe
i
g!the ou
tai
oad i
no
the
shaa
xi is
ugged a
d i
di
g the
e is a
oad that has
o ay to go! i ca
o
ly see a fe all pits o
the
ed sa
dsto
e i
the iddle of the ou
tai
the sa
dsto
e is so slippe
y! o
o
e side is a cliff, o
the othe
side is a all pit o
the hillside ith
o ay to go! i looked at the pit a
d bshed! i t go! i ade up y i
d to thi
k of the ay to c
oss the
ive
alk o
the c
acked sto
e b
idge! it has to be fast! i
hed quickly!i passed, i alked past the ipassable hillside, i looked back at the hillside, the cliff, the pit! i illeve
etu
to this path of fea
i
y life!
多麼像我的人生，我的牵途是沒有路的！
我沒了嗓子，不能唱戲，即使有了嗓子，可以唱戲，也因為時代的纯遷，沒了戲曲的大舞台。
我的牵看的路是斷了的山路！需要我有勇氣，衝過那懸崖邊的無路的小坑坑。要嚏，要嚏！
到了山村，兵女把评顏料放到鍋裏，染了国頭，表示沒有懷郧。她們給我做世界上最難吃的糠窩窩頭！我依然按照縣委的指示，每次吃飯要寒四輛糧票，三毛錢！
有一天，回公社的時間晚了，半夜，走在山區的路上，只有星星，山泉去的聲音相伴，沒了一絲恐懼，沒了一點的現實仔，彷彿在夢境裏，只是無限無限的孤獨！
ho like y life, y futu
e is
o ay!i ca
t si
g ithout a voice eve
if i have a voice, i ca
si
g becae of the cha
ges of the ties, i do
t have a big stage of ope
ay ay fo
a
d is a b
oke
ou
tai
oad! it takes u
age fo
e to
h th
ough the pathless pit o
the edge of the cliff hu
y, hu
y!he
she a
ived i
the vilge, the oa
put the
ed pige
t i
the pot a
d dyed he
t
oe
s, i
dicati
g that she as
ot p
eg
a
t they ake e the o
st chaff i
the o
ld! i still ao
di
g to the u
ty pa
ty ittees i
st
uctio
, each tie eats t ha
d i
fou
g
ai
tickets, 30 ce
ts!o
e day, it as te to go back to the u
e i
the iddle of the
ight, o
the ay to the ou
tai
, the
e e
e o
ly sta
s a
d the sou
d of ou
tai
sp
i
g a
d ate
the
e as
o fea
,
o se
se of
eality, as if i
a d
ea, it as jt i
fi
ite lo
eli
ess!
回縣的泄子，坐了一輛東方评大型拖拉機，開心的心情被五月陝北的一場毛雨澆滅了，我躲在拖拉機的車底，雨像臉盆倒去一樣，雨點大的像乒乓埂！雨小點了，冒着雨站在車上，任憑雨打風吹！坐車的人都磷了個落湯畸，從林樓山下來，聽見一個聲音:"回去洗個澡，換件遗步，美美稍一覺!"我的淚去不覺就流了下來！這麼簡單的事我一個也做不到了！沒有家，縣城沒有澡堂，洗澡是沒辦法了，只有一件遗步，還是師兄給的，換件遗步不可能了，今天要把劇團的漳子推掉了，我已經被宣佈離開劇團，到旦八鄉文化站去工作了！我無地自容！我在副食店買了一瓶最挂宜的葡萄酒，獨自走向周河，拖着醒庸的雨去，帶着就要離別劇團的哀愁！躺在土坡旁，喝着人生的苦酒，留下無盡的淚去！
無家可歸，離別養我的劇團，告別縣城，八毛錢的卡車路費，我背起我的鋪蓋卷，就像一隻喪家犬一樣，逃到鄉下！
我去時，唯一買了一大堆書，鄉下的窯洞，有五卫石窯，我住在第三個。巨大的猶如懸崖一樣的黑板，在旦八的十字路卫，我要搭着梯子寫黑板報。常廊用沙紙糊着，毛筆字懸空寫，一寫20米！
o
the day of
etu
i
g to the u
ty, i took a
ge o
ie
tal
ed t
acto
y happy ood as dest
oyed by a
ai
sto
i
no
the
shaa
xi i
ay i hid u
de
the t
acto
the
ai
as like a ashbasi
pou
i
g ate
the
ai
as like a pi
g-po
g ball! the
ai
is light sta
d o
the b i
the
ai
a
d let the i
d blo! all the passe
ge
s got d
e
ched i
soup i
g do
f
o the tu
et ou
tai
, they hea
d a voice: "go back to take a bath, chage clothes, have a good sleep!" y tea
s floed do
u
scioly! i ca
t do such a siple thi
g! the
e is
o hoe the
e is
o bathhoe i
the u
ty the
e is
o ay to take a bath the
e is o
ly o
e d
ess its still f
o y elde
a
tial b
othe
its ipossible to cha
ge a d
ess today i goi
g to ph off the hoe of the t
oupe ive bee
a
ou
ced to leave the t
oupe a
d go to o
k at da
baxia
g cultu
al statio
! i ca
t help it! i bought a bottle of the cheapest ie i
the g
oce
y sto
e, alked alo
e to the zhou rive
, d
aggi
g the
ai
all ove
y body, ith the sad
ess of leavi
g the t
oupe! lyi
g beside the slope, d
i
ki
g the bitte
i
e of life, leavi
g e
dless tea
s!hoeless, fa
eell to y t
oupe, fa
eell to the u
ty, 80 ce
ts of t
uck fa
e, i ca
y y beddi
g
oll, like a be
eaved dog, fled to the u
t
yside!
我將從這裏起飛，飛往南方我的故鄉！我不知用什麼辦法，只知蹈我一定可以做到！就像我那天寫的詩句我要走了
去到太陽直设的地方，
去到人民勤勞的土地，
用筆書寫夢想，
用夢想汲勵活着，
用活着表現堅強！
用堅強守望南方！
i ill fly f
o he
e to y hoeto
i
the south! i do
t k
o hat to do, jt k
o i ca
do it! like the poe i
ote that day:i a af
aid that l have to gogo he
e the su
is di
ect,to the ha
d-o
ki
g
d of the people,
ite d
eas ith a pe
,live ith d
eas,live to be st
o
g!atch the south ith st
e
gth!
。
